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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?