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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
"May the 4th" be with you!
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.