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Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.