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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.