Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.