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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.