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If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list