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Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson