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It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.