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I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Save water- shower with me!
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.