Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.