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Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.