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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.