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Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.