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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.