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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.