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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.