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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.