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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.