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Whatever I did to make you hate me, Iād like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
lifes a laugh, start living it!
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
If Iām going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then Iām going to need a bigger rug.