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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.