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Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)