Daily Silly Status

honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"

Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.

I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.

Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.

3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."

Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.

I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy

Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.

It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.

I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.

People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.

So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!

I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move

Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.

I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm