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Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.