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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.