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After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.