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I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
Home is where the alcohol is.