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When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
This status has been censored by Facebook
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women