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My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.