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My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
The word bed looks like a bed.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.