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When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
I never finish anyth...............
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.