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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
condoms prevent minivans
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.