Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
I put the hot in psychotic.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.