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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
You look like I need another drink
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.