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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.