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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.