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“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.