Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One trenta cheeseburger please.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.