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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.