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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.