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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Exercise? More like extra fries.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
when in Rome get naked ;)
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.