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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
My whole life is based on a true story...
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.