Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of