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I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."