Daily Silly Status

I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.

I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.

iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.

is frickin awesome! Nough Said.

I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.

I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode

They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.

Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?

Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.

My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!

My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.

Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?

popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.

I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s

I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.