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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I donโ€™t like being told what to doโ€ฆunless Iโ€™m naked.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I canโ€™t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so letโ€™s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind โ€œhyphenatedโ€ and โ€œnon-hyphenatedโ€?
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
Iโ€™m watching this show on stalkers, still havenโ€™t seen any of you yet.