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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
β€œSwearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.