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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.