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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.