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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.