Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if Iām not sure what it means
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...