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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.