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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.