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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things Iād go to hell for.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.