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What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.