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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
People will do odd things to get even.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".